Naked Pixels

Recommended Reading: "The Fairy Artist's Figure Drawing Bible"

In July of last year (It feels a little odd still to call 2009 "last year".) I wrote about The Fantasy Artist's Figure Drawing Bible by Matt Dixon. This is a similar book, also published by Barron's... The Fairy Artist's Figure Drawing Bible by Linda Ravenscroft. It gives a lot of the same basic information about color and technique, as well as choosing your tools to work with, and is laid out in almost the same way. Instead of focusing on common races, creatures, and archetypes from general fantasy settings, however, this book focuses completely on drawing fairies.

(Note: For consistency, I will do my best to use "fairy" in this post. Should a "faerie" sneak in, though, that's not entirely a mistake... it's the way I normally spell the word.)

Like The Fantasy Artist's Figure Drawing Bible, this book is most useful to me as a reference book. I also think the two go well together. There are many artists who specialize in drawing fairies and close-up peeks into their world. Fairies are often very much a part of general fantasy settings, however, and the other book doesn't focus on them at all. This book can help you add fairies to your pieces that are already populated with ogres, dwarves, dragons, and wizards.

The section in the book on wings really got me thinking about how different wings on fairies can make or break a piece. An autumn piece done in reds and oranges, with falling leaves and plenty of acorns, isn't really where I'd picture butterfly-style wings. Styling the wings after those of a Monarch butterfly helps, but a fairy with wings inspired by leaves may actually look like more of a part of that world, rather than just being "at home" in that world.

Most of the fairies in the book are the popular happy, cheerful, flowery fairies. But hardcore folklore enthusiasts know of the Unseelie Court, as well, and the book does offer tips on drawing some of the fey who can be thought of as "going bump in the night". (Something to think about for drawing faeries when Halloween comes around again.)

My favorite thing about the book may be all the tips for drawing clothing. It's not that difficult for me to think of fairies wearing dresses made of leaves, or hats made of acorns or mushrooms, but I'm not sure I'd come up with some of the other ideas in the book on my own. I like pieces that have fairies almost, but not quite, blending into the world around them... making the eye search for them for just a second before seeing them. A lot of the clothing advice in this book would make drawing something like that a lot easier for me.

Whether you're learning to draw fairies as something other than simply tiny humans, or you just need an easy reference book to keep the details from becoming to generic and repetitive, I really do think The Fairy Artist's Figure Drawing Bible is worth taking a look at. Now that I've been pleased with two of these books, I'm going to be looking for others.

2010: Not What I Expected

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! We certainly did! Even though Christmas hasn't been the same without my grandparents these last few years, my sister's kids are turning Christmas into something that is different than it used to be, but no less wonderful. Something about the holiday would be terribly incomplete without them.

My husband and I had a talk after Christmas about how to tackle some long-term goals in the new year. One of the things I'm not verry happy about, but that isn't as bad as it first sounds, is that I need to cut back on my art for a while. This is not what we had planned, and to have gotten well into doing things the way we had planned, then having to stop and say, "No, this isn't going to work," is really frustrating. Almost heartbreaking, really.

Our plans had been based on the fact that, in the past, his physical concerns have been less severe in the fall and winter months. There's a lot to be done around here, and fall and winter was going to be our time to do it! Instead, I spent the entire month of December feeling pretty ill, and his physical limitations have not allowed him to take on the things we thought he'd be able to. There is now enough work to be done that I have to choose between my art and my home.

As I said... it's really not as bad as that makes it sound. It's not like I'm going to quit drawing completely. I'm just going to quit holding myself to a schedule for it for a while. I'll still keep doing the "at least one blog post a week" thing, and any posts that happen on a Wednesday will still be "Webcomic Wednesday" posts. This may even be what I need to help me get back to what I originally set out to do with this blog... talking about how and why the art is done, not just the fact that it's ready to be sold. I haven't been happy about how far I've drifted away from that over the months.

This is why I'm reluctant to announce plans for things. Not everyone's life can fit into a regularly scheduled workday, and part of why I'm able to do this is that I get the flexibility I need. But I don't feel so great about it when it means having to say I'm not going to have to put off for a while longer something that I've got people looking forward to. I can only hope that some of my readers are gamers. That would mean you're used to not knowing when something new will come out, being told it might come out on a certain date, being promised it will be out one month later than that, and then finding out it won't be ready for another year. Yes... I'm working on "game release date" time here.

I'm disappointed, yes, but not sorry. I see how many people feel they can't choose home and family over their work, and they hate themselves for it. I get to choose home and simply scale back work... not having to give it up completely, and not a permanent scale-back. It's not what I expected, but it's the right thing for us for now.

Now let's see where the rest of the year takes us.

Binders for Photo Albums or Scrapbooks

After the Zazzle/Avery binders recipe binder contest, a new contest was announced. I wanted to enter this one, butjust wasn't able to find the time. I did take a look at the entries, though, and there are some really nice photo album/scrapbook binders!

I think the ones I like most, as far as theme of the design goes, may be the "family history" type binders.

averyphotobindercontest2009 8 Person Family Tree by jamierushad
Create a 3 ring binder online at zazzle.com

Family Genealogy Photo Album by spacedust
See other Averyphotobindercontest2009 Binders

I especially like the one with the family tree. That would make a great photo album, or binder for family history materials.

I also really love this one for making a baby book!

When I Was Little Photo Album averyphotobindercont by littlegoose
See other custom printed binders online at zazzle

Does anyone actually keep baby books for their kids anymore? That would make an adorable cover for one.

Great contest entries! Even though I didn't get in on the contest, I intend to create some photo album designs for binders. Not in the super-near future, though. (Still recovering from a very busy week last week.) So go ahead and buy one of these... I'll be jealous of your cute new photo album. ;-)

Art Challenge for the Holidays

Yesterday was the first day of November. The day after Halloween. I do my grocery shopping on Sunday afternoons, and the first thing I heard when I walked into the grocery store was Christmas music.

The day after Halloween!

Christmas just isn't what it was when I was a child. Some of that is the difference in perspective. Christmas just looks different when you're only about three or four feet tall. It's a time when ignorance truly is bliss, and you can enjoy the tree-decorating because you didn't have to haul the tree in or straighten out the lights, dance around while cookies and candy are being made because you didn't have to buy all the ingredients, and presents seem to magically appear because you didn't have to buy and wrap them all.

Some of the changes to the Christmas season are a matter of other changes in life. My grandmother passed away a few years ago just before Thanksgiving, and we lost my grandfather earlier that same year. Christmas just hasn't been the same without them, and I especially feel my grandmother's absence in the kitchen. As difficult as it can be to make room for everyone around the table, that kitchen is just a lot emptier with one person missing.

It's still Christmas, though! My mom makes a great meal herself, and my sister's kids are now there to run around and tear into packages. And even if the exact names and position in the family of various family members has changed over the years, we all still go to the same house, sit around the same table, and spend that time together. It's different, but it's still worth it. It still matters.

That's something you really can't put a price tag on, and no store will ever have control over it, no matter how early they start the music or how many sales they have.

What does this have to do with art? I'm getting to that. Indulge me for another minute or two, though.

I've just explained why Christmas matters to me. You could give it any other name, though, and it would still matter. You could call it Hanukkah, Yule, Three Kings Day, or any number of other holiday names related to this season. I'm not too picky about the religious or cultural basis for the holiday, as that doesn't have much to do with what makes it, for me, "the most wonderful time of the year".

I know what's going to happen. It happens every year now. I'm going to get annoyed by the music. I'm going to want to start mowing down crowds of people with my shopping cart. I'm going to feel the burden of the financial balancing act. I'm going to feel the pressure to get everything done in time. I'm going to want to pay the bell ringers to stop ringing. (Which is a clear sign that it's all getting to me, because those bell ringers are doing a wonderful thing and even dropping a little change into their bucket matters.)

Then I'm going to get an email from my mom.

She puts a quote from Dr. Seuss at the end of her emails during the Christmas season, and it always seems to show up just in time for me. Just before I reach my holiday breaking point. The quote she uses is the last couple of sentences from this:

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?"

That gets me through the holiday stress until I can see Linus explain, once again, to Charlie Brown what the true meaning of Christmas is and that little tree gets some love. And that's not about the religion, but about having that one person who will remind you that there's more to this than the stress, rush, and marketing. It applies to whatever name you call the holiday.

Again... what does this have to do with art? I have a small challenge for each of you this year.

Get the jump on your inner-Scrooge by expressing what's good about this time through your creativity! It doesn't have to be something big. If your holidays are already full of things to do (as most people's are) it would probably be best for it not to be something big. But do something that will fill you with holiday cheer. If you like to bake, bake some gingerbread men for yourself one afternoon. Or spend a couple of hours one weekend helping your kids make some Christmas cards for a few of the people on your list. No kids? Make a card for someone special yourself. (One of my most prized possesions is a green and red crayon scribbled card my nephew made for me his first Christmas. Looks like chicken scratch, worth more than an entire museum.) If you have the time and like to knit or crochet, make one of the gifts on your list by hand.

I'd love emails and/or comments if you decide to do this. Share the holiday love! Feel free to wait a few weeks before you get started, though. After all, it was just Halloween!

Creatively stuck? Try a change in media!

A few days ago, I started to idly wonder if cross-stitch patterns could effectively be turned into quilting patterns. It was a stray thought, no plans for cross-stitiching or quilting, and I didn't give it enough attention to really come up with an answer. It seems to me that it could easily be done, but just what adjustments might need to happen for a workable end result... I don't know. It did get me thinking further, though, about borrowing from one medium when you work with another.

Back to the cross-stitich patterns... My grandmother used to crochet beautiful pieces that could be framed and hung in someone's house that showed their family name. She did this with filet crochet. As I recall (and I charted a few of these myself for her), the charts that she used as her patterns were cross-stitch patterns for letters that were charted out by hand onto graph paper.

Illustrators for children's books (just one example) borrow from a different medium all the time. That's really their job. Ernest Shepard's drawings are as much a part of the Winnie-the-Pooh books as Milne's writing. I think a large part of that is because Shepard did add little details not present in the story and descriptions, while also staying faithful to what Milne had written. It feels less like, "Here's a picture of what the words say," and more like, "Come see what I see when I read these words."

Two of my favorite movies are Fantasia and Fantasia 2000. The former is how I learned to appreciate purely instrumental pieces. I could let my mind wander and create a whole world with the music as a soundtrack, without having that world influenced by the ideas communicated through someone else's lyrics. (Not that I don't like that, too. Most music I listen to does have lyrics. I usually expect them to be meaningful, not just sound good, though.) Sure, the music itself is someone else's influence on what you imagine that way, but an influence that can leave more wiggle room for the listener's imagination. Music can be a gentle nudge when the imagination isn't sure where to go.

If you get stuck in creative quicksand, try reaching for another medium as a lifeline. Don't feel like music can't help because you aren't a musician, or sewing isn't what you do so there's no reason to look at the patterns. Take it in, and find a way to make it your own. Then get back to creating!

Art on a Budget: Tools of the Trade

There are a lot of really great computer programs for art, cameras, scanners, and other tools out there... and I just can't afford most of them. That's not as hopeless as it used to seem. I used to think the lack of money for top-of-the-line tools was going to prevent me from being able to do much.

I was mistaken. I was missing a few facts when I reached that conclusion. Okay... I was wrong.

It has taken me some time to put together the tools I use, so if you're starting from scratch and don't have at least a few hundred dollars to spend, don't try to buy everything at once. You just may not need to spend as much as you once feared.

Here are the tools I use...

Adobe Photoshop CS : Yes, I use the one from 2003. I've been using it since 2007, and before that I was using Photoshop 5.0... from 1998. This may not work for everyone. There are some things new in each release that may be truly vital to what another artist does. For what I do, though, it can take several releases before changes become significant enough that it's worth upgrading.

If you just can't get Photoshop at all, GIMP is free. I tried it at one time, and the results were so good that I figured if I was getting the same results either way, I may as well just keep using Photoshop since I'm already comfortable with it. If I didn't have Photoshop, GIMP would be my choice.

ArtRage : I picked this program up for about ten bucks in a local store and wasn't expecting much out of it. It just didn't seem complex enough to do much with, and why else would they be selling it for only ten bucks? It turned out to be one of my favorite programs! I've never become super comfortable with the interface, but that's probably because I only use the program for certain types of projects. (I still end up using Photoshop more frequently.) If the Corel Painter programs aren't a financial option for you, ArtRage has great features for digital painting. It's beginner friendly, and they aren't the same features you'd find in Corel's products (I wouldn't call one a substitute for the other... just a different tool), but I've also seen some amazing work done with ArtRage. Most things I do that look like they were done on paper were actually done with this program.

Corel Painter Essentials : This is the hobbyist version of Corel Painter. I use it in cases where neither Photoshop nor ArtRage is the right program for the job, and usually that means as some sort of "finishing up" after using one of those two programs for the bulk of the work. The results are great, and I think my biggest problem with the program may actually be that I'm trying to figure out how to do things that I'd be better off using Corel Painter for. And I certainly love their magazine!

Wacom Bamboo Fun : I will use this tablet until I have enough money to buy a different Wacom! I cannot say enough about how wonderful a Wacom tablet is! They make several models that can go a lot further in functionality (The Cintiq makes me drool!) but also cost a lot more. I'd say the Bamboo Fun is better than trying to draw by holding down your mouse button and dragging, but that's really just an insult to how much better than that it is. It's a very natural drawing experience, and I didn't even have trouble adjusting to looking at my screen while using the stylus on the tablet. I thought I would... the idea of not looking where I'm "drawing" was just so weird to me until I plugged it in.

The medium sized Bamboo Fun can still run over one hundred dollars, depending on where you get it, but I just wouldn't advise going with a cheaper tablet from another company. I've seen tablets that retail for thirty to fifty dollars, but lack many features of the Wacom tablets. Features like whatever it is that makes the Wacom only need to plug into your USB port and then not need any kind of extra power source for the pen and mouse. (Not your regular mouse... it comes with a mouse. Which you could replace your regular mouse with and do everything with the tablet, really.) These other tablets pushed the "wireless pen and mouse" thing, but you had to put batteries in them. Depending on how much you use it, or how fast it sucks the life out of the batteries, you might end up spending more that way in the long run.

If you want to get a tablet and could get your hands on someone's Wacom just to try it out, do so. Then if you can only come up with the money to buy a medium sized Bamboo Fun, that should keep you comfortably going until you can upgrade.

One more tool...

Google : Or whatever search engine you like. Some books and magazines are so helpful I end up buying them, but I wouldn't be able to keep that up for long if I needed to buy something every time I needed a tutorial or reference material. Most things I need can be found for free by simply searching for "how to" do this or that, or using Image Search for reference pictures. If you suddenly can't figure out how high up on the walls you should draw the windows for this castle you've spent the last 16 hours drawing, there are plenty of pictures out there to give you an idea of what would look best. It might be a little more difficult to get artistic nudes without getting... let's call them "entertainment nudes", but you're in the privacy of your own home and you are drawing people with no clothes on, after all!

The best tools available just aren't a reality for everyone. But that doesn't mean you have to use crappy tools, or go without. The really good news is, digital art doesn't consume supplies! You don't have to keep going back for more paper, more canvas, more paints, more pencils. Make your financial investments wisely, and they'll stretch a long way.

Artists: Bernie Wrightson

The "Artists" posts are about artists that have influenced and inspired me. There are so many artists that will never be featured that way, though, and maybe they should be. Maybe they would inspire me, as well, if only I knew about their work or were shown their work from a different point of view. So if there's an artist you think should be featured, please consider submitting a guest post.

I was sixteen years old the first time I knew I was looking at Bernie Wrightson's work. I know that because I was sixteen years old the first time I heard a song by Meat Loaf and immediately felt like I needed to start buying Meat Loaf albums. (I can't explain this. I can only point out that if Meat Loaf, Tenacious D, and Spinal Tap would tour together I'd die of a broken heart if I didn't get to go to a concert.) I like to read the liner notes on albums. There's some interesting commentary sometimes. And there are a lot of people involved in an album that you may never hear of otherwise. That's how I found out Bernie Wrightson had done some of the album covers.

I also spent a big part of my high school years building a collection of Stephen King novels, and I found out Bernie Wrightson had done illustrations for Cycle of the Werewolf. Somehow, this is one I've wanted for a very long time, but still don't have. I've had the chance to look at it, though, and can't imagine it being quite as good with someone else's art. He also did the book adaptation for Stephen King's movie Creepshow, which also goes in the "Why do I still not have that?" category. (I have the movie. Just not the book.)

What I didn't know when I was sixteen was that I'd actually seen Wrightson's work several times in comic books. At this point, his style is recognizable to me. And it's a style that works, though I like to call it the "Too Much is Just Enough" style. It's not a visual assault for me, but something of a mental assault that I start to pull back from and look at a little at a time... and that's when it disturbs me. Which is a good thing. After all, most of what I've seen is his horror work.

There are just too many muscles, and too much bulging! Too many bits of flesh and stretchy mucus-like strings of goo! And how many colors can human flesh really be all at one time?

But instead of being visually "busy", it just seems a bit unreal. Then I take another look... Okay, so there's the werewolf. How many teeth does a werewolf have? Oh God, the teeth are sinking into the... Oh! That's blood. And internal organs. The art flows like that. What was "too many colors" at first becomes a mix of flesh, fluids, and light reflected from terrifying sources. Yes, there are too many muscles. Yes, it's unnatural. And that's how you know the victim isn't just screaming in pain, but also because their mind is at that point where it would be a mercy if their sanity would just go ahead and shatter.

Seeing something will always disturb me more than reading about it. It keeps me from being able to watch gore-filled horror movies, no matter how much of a fan of the genre I am. Wrightson's work has always been something that lures me back because I have to take it in small doses. I want to see his use of color. I want to take another look at how he does detail. I know I could learn from his use of lighting and shapes. But taking another look always means I can only look for a little while. Sure, it's just a cartoon... doesn't look real at all. But it sticks with me, and the themes turn themselves over in my mind for a little while. And isn't that exactly what art should do?

According to the Wikipedia article on him, Wrightson did production design for the Reavers in Serenity. I think of Zoe explaining what a threat Reavers are by saying, "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into our clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order," and I have to say Wrightson is definitely someone I would have wanted involved in creating such a creature.

Horror isn't everyone's "thing", though monsters do serve a purpose. They give us something to look at that can be defeated and destroyed when all of our real life worries and fears seem overwhelming due to their intangible nature. Some of you may find yourself wondering why someone would want to create such things, and why someone else would even want to look at them. Well... he also gave us Swamp Thing. Not exactly winning any "Cute and Cuddly" awards, but dude... he's Swamp Thing!

Geek Note: One could say it was Alan Moore who gave us the Swamp Thing I first became familiar with and I wouldn't try to ignore that, being a fan of his work, as well. But there had to already be a Swamp Thing to be handed over to Moore, and Wrightson was one of the two original creators.

Reflections from My "Quiet Time"

After taking some "quiet time" for myself... days at a time without logging into Twitter, not reading so much of it when I did log in, not putting so much pressure on myself to respond to every email immediately, etc... I've learned a few things about myself and how I do things. I want to share some of that, not as a complaint list, but as an evaluation and learning process that may help a few other people who find themselves falling into the "I just don't have time for everything!" quicksand.

Where Does the Time Go?

Just like everyone else, I get 24 hours to live each day. The past couple of years have felt like I've been trying to squeeze anywhere from 48 to 72 hours of life into each 24 hour period. There are a number of reasons for this. Some of them are things beyond my control... settling into a new house, doing work on said house, the hurricane that set everyone around here back a bit (quite a lot, in some areas) last year. Some are about gaining control over my life... learning to handle responsibilities I hadn't been faced with, or had left for someone else to handle, in the past. My husband and I have done a number of things to create an organized, yet flexible, schedule that prevents us from just floundering around trying to decide what to take care of each day. So really, a lot of the influences on where my time goes are under control. (The ones we can control, anyway.) What it keeps coming back to, though, is that I am simply not as capable as I used to be.

The neurological illness I've been treated for over the past couple of years puts me in an odd group of people who have never had a brain tumor but can legitimately say we know what one feels like. In the case of pseudotumor cerebri, it is an excess of cerebro-spinal fluid putting pressure on the brain, rather than an actual tumor. Very many of the effects are the same, though... thus the "pseudotumor" part of the name. I am no longer suffering from attacks of pain that make migraines look like minor headaches. I didn't go blind, and I've regained what I lost from my peripheral vision. It seems what I lost from my color vision has mostly returned, but I still have a little more trouble with subtle differences in shade and hue than I used to. I haven't had a seizure in well over a year. There is a very long list of ways that I am better now than I was this time two years ago, and I'm thankful for every one of them.

What has persisted, though, is a slowness in mentally processing some things. It's not a noticeable delay to most people. It tends to look like I'm just tired, distracted, or otherwise having a difficult day. Our home stays fairly quiet most of the time, as something like the television going in the background will prevent me from being able to really think about what I'm doing. I read slower than I used to. I still know the words and what they mean, but things just don't "sink in" as quickly as they used to. I have more trouble clearly communicating with other people because I still think just as fast, but putting those thoughts into words is a slower process, and I never seem to be truly happy with the words that come out. They make sense, but rarely seem to truly convey what's in my mind. Driving takes intense concentration and becomes exhausting for me, and heavy traffic or unfamiliar areas can easily trigger panic attacks.

The end result is that it takes me a lot longer to get things done. Doing my grocery shopping isn't a simple chore, but a huge chunk of an afternoon. Even on the days that I write a short post here, that's at least an hour of work. And it's not easy to accept because I remember being capable of more, yet I'm supposed to be glad I can still function so well that all I have is an exhausting slow-down, not a complete loss of ability. It's frustrating to think that this isn't just a temporary setback, but my actual pace for being able to handle things. I'm trying to make peace with it. I sometimes say other people don't understand how difficult things have become for me and expect too much from me. My husband says that may be because I do a good job of appearing "normal" to other people... they simply don't know how difficult it is. I think the truth is that I don't understand... not really... and I continue to expect more from myself than I can really give now. I'm working on that. It's a long learning process.

Twitter, email, etc.

I seriously need to scale back my online socialization. It's easy to think it's not eating much of my time because of how many things I'm not part of. I don't use Facebook and very rarely log into MySpace. I still look at things on Ravelry regularly, but haven't posted anything in any of the groups I'm in for quite some time. I no longer keep a daily (or mostly daily) purely personal blog. I don't frequent any forums anymore. It's mostly Twitter and email for me. There are two things I really need to get a grip on, though:

1. Not every email has to be answered immediately. Some of them could wait several days. If an immediate response was necessary, most of the people sending them could have called me instead.

2. Just because I'm doing/reading about/thinking about something worth sharing doesn't mean I'm under any obligation to share it today... or at all, really.

The second one is the big one for me. I lost a friend who had been a close friend for many years in the course of my illness for what seemed like no reason other than how difficult it had become for me to be social. I couldn't manage to drive half an hour to her house for a day of visiting, I had trouble remembering all the things going on with her kids, etc. She interpreted that as me withdrawing, feeling sorry for myself about my illness, and her not being important to me anymore. I told myself, "This is not my fault. I was very ill, had just gotten married... even the doctor was shocked by this reaction from her!" I know those things are true. I also know she's a person who is more likely to push someone away when she doesn't know how to react to a situation than admit that she's at a loss. I don't agree with that way of doing things, but I know it is her nature and not something truly done out of malice. But deep down, I'm still carrying that around and it's made me afraid of being seen as "not social enough". I seem to feel obligated to prove I'm not a hermit.

I need to let go of that. At this point, I still truly enjoy the conversations I have with people. I'm getting close to seeing socializing simply as a duty that must be done, though, and that's not fair to anybody. I wouldn't want someone to carry on daily conversations with me for no reason other than they felt it would somehow be "wrong" to pass up the opportunity to chat. I now recognize that I've done that very thing before... pushed myself to keep being social when I should have just honestly said, "I need some time to myself"... and it led to some bad cases of social burnout. Since I can recognize it before it gets to that point this time, I need to do something about it.

I will be making some cuts to the number of people I follow on Twitter. It doesn't mean I'm not a fan anymore, or that I don't care about you or your life. It means I can't keep up with so many people. I can't spend over an hour a day reading Twitter, or feeling like I'll never catch up again if I try to read it every few days. I will also cut back on how often I tweet. I signed up for Twitter when I stopped keeping a personal blog. (I had reached the point where blogging felt more like an obligation to people who kept up with my life that way than something I enjoyed writing... Told ya I'd done this before!) It gave me a way to keep people from being completely cut off from me without having to blog, make regular phone calls to lots of people, or spend half my week emailing folks. It's time for me to go back to using it that way, rather than making it a solid part of my daily routine. If I'm going to have anything worth reading to say, I need to spend more time living my life and less time simply talking about it.

The Donation Button is Gone

I've removed the donation button from the side of the blog. There have been a few times in the past when someone wanted to "show me their appreciation for what I do". I appreciate their "appreciation", but I also recognize it for what it is. Some people know I'll argue with them if they just say, "I know you're having trouble, just let me give you the money." Those people have felt the need to get creative and word it in a way that makes me feel I'm being compensated for something I've done. Those people also have my sincere thanks, but that's just not how it's going to be done anymore. If anyone wants to "show me their appreciation", they can order something from my Zazzle store. If there is just really nothing in there that they want to order, then I'd ask that they take the creativity that would be invested in making, "Let me give you some money," sound like, "I think I owe you some money," and use that creativity to come up with an idea for something they would hire me as a freelancer to create for them.

This isn't just a hobby. It is my work. You'll do a much bigger favor for me if you hire me than just give me money. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for favors and gifts... I'm just trying to be firm so people will understand that I'm serious about this.

I Love to Crochet!

No matter how much or how little I get finished each day, there comes a point where my husband advises taking a break. I know I'm probably breaking some kind of Women's Rule, or something, but I have to admit this... he's right. He's often right. He's definitely right about break time being a good, healthy idea. (He also tries me make me take weekends off. Help! I'm being forced to relax!) That's usually the part of the day I spend on Twitter. Taking time off from Twitter, I found time to crochet again! I hadn't taken time for this in long enough that I'd really forgotten how much I enjoy it. It makes me feel very relaxed, and even just getting little pieces done makes me feel better about a day where I didn't manage to complete on-going work. It can be a big mood-changer when I'm having a really bad day.

After dinner, my husband and I spend our evenings as our "together time". My days have been my work and socialization time. I enjoy what I do, and I really enjoy that "together time". I guess that made me blind to how a lack of "just me time" was contributing to my feeling overwhelmed. I can't work any faster now than I could a couple of weeks ago. I'm still kind of stuck at the same pace of "getting things done, but more things need to be done" where I never really get caught up. But just a little time to crochet each day has made me feel so much better about it. I really do need that time with nothing to worry about except running out of yarn... which I'm not likely to run out of any time soon.

The "quiet time" was good for me, and it was productive. I think I can continue to be more productive if I make the changes I've talked about, and if I keep working on not being so hard on myself about how much I am or am not capable of. And taking time to crochet means I can share pictures of that as, as well as sharing my art. Maybe the tweets will become more worth reading, even as they become less frequent. :)

Quiet Time for the Mind and Soul

I had a debate with myself over whether or not I should make a post today. It's 9/11, and something inside of me says that my work and, as part of that, promoting my work can take a back seat to a day of remembrance. I'm also one of those people who'd rather observe Memorial Day quietly than with store sales... it's not just 9/11.

On the other hand, I don't spend all of Memorial Day weekend refusing to show any signs of life, and so I don't think I should spend this day like that, either. This has really been something of an on-going discussion in our house... how to handle 9/11... as it is still a very personal pain for my husband, who lost several members of his family due to the World Trade Center attacks. I'll tell you what I told him :

I think it's just as disrespectful to the dead to stop living one day a year as it would be to forget that day. Those who have loved us would want to see us live, not be stuck in permanent mourning. I cannot imagine expecting those who love me to feel obligated to mourn when they could be enjoying life. (This doesn't count those who really are still mourning, and I think my wish would be that someone would help them through that process because it would mean my loved-one is in pain.) I would expect them not to forget me, though. Taking a little time to simply think of me, to mention to someone else that I would have hated/loved the weather that day, have my favorite food for dinner... something. Remember, but keep living.

That's why I decided to go ahead and make a post today. But the only thing I'm promoting with today's post is quiet time. Time to think, and time to heal. Which still makes sense within the context of this blog, as quiet time can be very important for an artist. Artists are people who take in a lot from the world around them and then churn it all back out transformed. That can really wear a person down.

I'm taking a little quiet time for myself. Daily worries have been weighing on me, things in the news are weighing on me, and my desire for socialization has been low because it is increasing the weight of things, rather than giving any relief through connecting with others who are weighed down. Sometimes the best thing to do is to seek others out. Sometimes the best thing to do is retreat, quiet your mind, and know that the time to seek out others will return. (Don't become a complete hermit!)

Take that time to heal when you need to. It doesn't have to be a "hiding from the world" type of hibernation. Personally, I'm looking forward to a productive quiet time, as I'm simply clearing some of the mental and emotional clutter out of my daily space until I can handle it again. We live in a very connected world, as far as technology goes. But I sometimes think it actually results in people being less connected to each other emotionally. Sometimes it's a good thing to only have a few conversations a day, be able to devote time and attention to each one, and actually be able to hear the voice of the person you're talking to. Or see their face. Or simply take in the energy of having that person near you. Every now and then, walking out into your own yard is what a person needs more than they need pictures of beautiful far-away places. The internet is an amazing tool for education, communication, entertainment, and discovery. There are just some things that words and pictures (even video) on a screen just can't provide, though. Quiet time can be about getting back in touch with what's not to be found on the computer.

Some artists have gone through their most productive periods after what could be seen as a "forced quiet time". Accidents or illness that leave them out of touch with daily routine for a while have resulted in artists throughout history suddenly being able to do their best work after the healing time. But who wants to wait for an accident or severe illness?

So if I don't answer an email, or my Twitter is only showing updates of things posted here for a while, I'm just taking some quiet time. I'm not completely disconnecting from things, but certainly scaling it down for a while.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven— A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

-- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Artists: Vincent van Gogh

Van Gogh Starry Night Mouse Pad by jvc1224
Design your own custom mousemats on Zazzle

I'd like to start doing posts from time to time about artists who have inspired me. (This time, obviously, that would be Vincent van Gogh.) There are so many artists that will never be featured that way, though, and maybe they should be. Maybe they would inspire me, as well, if only I knew about their work or were shown their work from a different point of view. So if there's an artist you think should be featured, please consider writing a guest post.

At some point in my sixth grade art class, we were introduced to Vincent van Gogh's work. It started with looking at some of his pieces that make good examples for use of perspective (which we were practicing), and then just went into his work in general. It was also somewhere around this time that I first heard the Don McLean song Vincent. (My parents had the American Pie album, and I think it may have been pulled out for me to hear the title song around the time of an anniversary of the plane crash it's about.) It was really the imagery of the song's lyrics that made me so interested when my art teacher showed us Vincent van Gogh's work. To some degree, I've never really been able to think of Van Gogh without also thinking of Don McLean.

I tend to be drawn to individual pieces or individual artists more than any genre of art, so I can't really say that Post-Impressionism or Expressionism are art movements I'm particularly fond of. It's simply something about Van Gogh's work that stands out for me. Looking at a Van Gogh piece is, for me, like running my hands all over something... except it's done with my eyes. It goes beyond seeing the textures of things that would have visible textures anyway (chairs, posts, floors). It's being able to see the light from a lamp in a way that means you can see the heat from it, as well, and being able to see the wind swirling through the night air.

Painting how something feels, or painting so that it reflects how the artist feels in relation to it, isn't how I do things. I can't even say it's how I'd want my art to look. But it's inspiring to me that Van Gogh made that effort. Using the sense of sight as a tool to experience things that are not visible isn't something I think just anyone could pull off. It's never easy to show people things they don't believe they can see, and that's what so much of Van Gogh's work comes down to... not just in technique, but also subject matter.

I had to the chance to see "The Starry Night" when it was on temporary display at a museum in a nearby city several years ago. It is my favorite painting. Not just my favorite Van Gogh piece, but my favorite painting, period. It's much smaller than I always thought it would be, but it is breathtaking! I will remember for the rest of my life that I stood about three feet from it and saw things that just don't quite come through in prints.

Video Worth Watching: A YouTube video of a slideshow of Van Gogh's paintings set to theDon McLean song Vincent. If you aren't familiar with the song, the person who posted the video has put the lyrics in the "(more info)".